Bullshit Artist

“Alice called.”

Dad says as soon as I come in the door from the mainland.

“She saw Rita Mary Haffie at the hospital.”

“She asked Alice to tell me that she should have married me.”

He says.

“I should have married her too.”

Dad dated Rita when he was twenty-three. He bought her a diamond engagement ring.

“Why did you break up?”

I ask.

“I don’t remember.”

He says.

“That was a long time ago, Katie.”

He’s quiet.

“But then, I wouldn’t have had Kristin, John and you.”

He says.


“Where’s the Warden?”

Dad asks.

Mum’s in England travelling for three months.

“Do old ladies have fetishes with men’s underwear?”

He asks, walking into my room after a bath in his dressing gown.

“My underwear are missing.”

I open his drawer and count six pairs. I’m told they’re all too big for him so I pick them up to throw them out.

“Junior Warden! Is nothing sacred?”

He says and shoves them back into his drawer.

“I might gain back the weight.”



He says when I detour to RnR Diner on our way to his blood test at the Peninsula hospital.

“Scotch Whiskey and milk were enough for me.”

He says as I get out of the car.

“You put my life in danger for coffee.”

He says as I reverse out of the parking spot with a hot cup in my hand.

Turning right towards Mt. Newton Cross Road, he says,

“Man killed by daughter in accident involving coffee.”


“You’re younger than me.”

He says when I stop at the bottom of the drive for him to pick up the paper.

“Younger, not smarter.”

He says when I get back in the car.

“True, but I’m getting smarter.”

I reply.

“I’m forcing you to.”

He says as I drive up the hill.


Sunday afternoon and dirty from cleaning forgotten corners in the house, I sit down to rest beside him.

“You’re a very beautiful woman, you know.”

He says.

I laugh.

“I’m not bullshitting you either.”


About Morbid Optimist

My name is Katryna Mary Brooke Ormiston. I am 35 years old and after living in Vancouver for a decade, I am returning home to my 81 year old father’s hobby farm on Vancouver Island to care for him in the final stages of his life. This blog is to document my journey, process my experiences along the way and hopefully share and feel connected to a community beyond the three and a half acres I find myself on. A message in a bottle in the cyber-sea.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Bullshit Artist

  1. Mary says:

    Katrhyna…you are a “gem”……your dad is humorous!!!hugs around Mary

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s