Master San-Di (by Nicol Drysdale)

“… Nicol… is decades older than me..!!”

BOLLOCKS !!

For gawds sake, Katie!

How could you be so misleading to your impressionable readers with my introduction!

If I didn’t know you were such a devotee of Vipassana – following a rigorous path that abhors inhalation of the noxious weed, and abstinence from the devil’s brew, (ohhow a mother’s grateful sigh of relief is perceptible even across vast oceans) I’d swear substance abuse was the source of such invention!

The only plausible explanation for such fantasy is that you must have been in the throes of  delirium – suffered tragically by all brides to be, that is manifested by the stress of wedding plans.

My conscious compels me to set the record straight for those readers who are inclined to believe everything they read on the net – Katie is actually about a decade older than me, based, of course, on the irrefutable truth and sagacity of the amended adage:

‘You are only as old as who you’re feeling.’ 🙂

(Btw, Katie, who is that old dude in the pic with Sandy? Hopefully, your blog budget will bloody well include photoshop expenses in the future! Until such times, I’ve attached a recent of pic of Sandy and I).

nicoldad4

The component of my philosophy just mentioned – a Dorian Gray alternative, evolved from those deep into the night conversations Katie alluded to, in conjunction, of course, with intensive study on sites such as ‘The Board of Wisdom’ (and they should know, shouldn’t they!) that include such quotes as,

Love knows no age, when you find true love, you will not care about the age difference, all you will care about is spending forever with him? (yeah, right.)

(The author is listed as ‘unknown’ but it had to be written by one of the great sages – Roman Polanski, Jerry Lee Lewis, or John Derek.)

I am eternally grateful to all those who, like Katie, have contributed to the evolution of my philosophy, and even more grateful for those exceptional femmes gullible enough to buy into it.

This philosophy of love and life is, of course, always open to modification and revision as all quests for truth should be. And I am indeed privileged and thankful to have access and guidance from The Enlightened One, yes, the venerable:

Master San-Di.

The Great One in his infinite altruism always makes himself available to me daily (..emm… with the caveat that my philosophical inquiries never interrupt meditation time with his fellow sages – Spock and John Wayne) as he sits on his living room chair – in oneness with the universe.

Master San -Di and I have a relationship not unlike that of Grasshopper and Master Po in the forgettable tv series -’Kung fu’ (although at the house, I morph between Grasshopper, Dr. Drysdale, Sandy’s mom, and a very well looked after Filipino helper).

Just the other day I consulted the Venerable One regarding the nature of the perfect woman, hoping his words of wisdom would shed further light on the path to Enlightenment.

He listened to my enquiry, lowered the obituary page of the newspaper, peered over his spectacles, thought deeply for a moment, looked intently at me, and then uttered words in a reverent tone that are forever etched on my mind :

‘The perfect woman, [Grasshopper], is an oversexed deaf mute who owns a distillery next to a trout stream.’

‘Thank you, Venerable One,’ I replied bowing my head after contemplation, ‘however, after the experiences with the numerous ex’s so far in this lifetime, I would be more than grateful for the oversexed deaf mute, and hope for the other perks in my next life when I achieve a higher state of enlightenment’.

 

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About Morbid Optimist

My name is Katryna Mary Brooke Ormiston. I am 35 years old and after living in Vancouver for a decade, I am returning home to my 81 year old father’s hobby farm on Vancouver Island to care for him in the final stages of his life. This blog is to document my journey, process my experiences along the way and hopefully share and feel connected to a community beyond the three and a half acres I find myself on. A message in a bottle in the cyber-sea.
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